It's been a long time. Well, maybe not. Because I'm already feeling a lot better. I think.
The real test will be when it turns three o'clock.
Or when it's late at night...right before bedtime.
Hah, hmmmm. Now that I think about it...it wasn't too bad at all...although i was completely pissed off last night. That's when I felt like an idiot.
And then there was church...and hearing all those people talk. It intimidates me. It makes me want to hide. But they don't understand that. Most people are unaware, as they should be.
I don't even know why I'm acting this way. I haven't the slightest clue. I thought things were going better I guess. But they aren't.
I'm still afraid of everything.
I still cling to what I know I shouldn't hold on to...and for what you ask??? Because, when I am empty handed...really, life is okay. I can be happy. I can move forward. But, as soon as you tempt me...and I mean really tempt me....with the unexpected...with the unknown...with the endless possibilities...I reach out and grab...for deal life.
Because, well, because I'm lame....because I do want it...and I want it now.
But, I feel better already...although its a shallow better.
Jesus has some deeper things to work on.
So, I apologize. For, last night. For my anger issues. For freaking out so much. For not trusting you. For thinking that I know better.
Help me not to be so stupid next time too.
Thanks.
Love,
Me
