I really

hate sad movies. They make me very sad. And that to me is worthless.

dkfjsofjisjfoisj They make me think to much. About death. About loss. About feeling that terrible thing that you can't describe...but it lives in your stomach. And you can't escape it. It really lives there. And you feel gross. And it makes you want to die too. But to be honest, it doesn't at all feel like pain...it's just pure emptiness. And there is nothing worse than that.

I'm really attached. I don't like change. I like to stay right here. On my couch. Knowing that everyone I love is sitting somewhere to. In the right place. It's all about the right place. And that's the truth.

I mean, I dream about .... love. That person. But the truth is. I don't know who that is.
Future love of my life, I don't know who the heck you are. And I'm sorry, I'm so very sorry...but I'm not attached to you yet. I don't need you like I need everyone else.

And I'd give you up. I'd give my whole future up to keep those I have now. But I can't. People come and they go. And I hate that. I hate that so much I could just die right now.

By the way, I'm way over dramatic and writing this all very fast...because I just finished a sad movie. And this is what happens after I watch a sad movie. I get crazy and my thoughts go everywhere and nothing makes sense. Which is why I try to avoid such things...but people tell you that they're good. He said this movie was good. But it was not good. No not at all.

The point is. Well, there is no point. But what my mind kind of whats to communicate...is that if I love you...I really love you. I hope you know that...whoever you are. Whether your my mom, dad, brother, sister, niece, nephew, friend, jfdskjflsjfd the list goes on...if i love you...well- you have to know it. I really need you to know it.

Oh God, I don't understand love. I hate that you give me the capacity but take away the person. I love that sometimes I love empty air. And it's a thing I'm going through. I know that You are good. I know that You are perfect. And I know that who you put into my life and who you take out...there is a true and perfect significance. Even if i don't understand it. And i don't. I really don't.

But, help me to trust You. Help me.