You're my friend.

I am a very lucky girl.

Loved...maybe that's a better word. And the sucky thing is...I don't know why. I spend my night...chatting with probably the most amazing person in the world...even though I'm worth nothing. Going over the conversation, even now, I realize that every word that came out of my mouth was stupid and empty. Selfish really. I love attention too much.

But the truth is...when I get past myself, which is hardly ever.
And just listen...to you...I'm amazed. I love the words that come out of your mouth.
I love the way you speak. I love the way you process things. And I love your heart and it's many convictions. I wish I could literally breathe you in.

And I realized tonight, you're everything I need, but not mature enough to want.
And I'm...well I'm probably the opposite of what you need and maybe a tad bit of what you want...but not really. You're smart enough to know better. But, like you said, there's always that small hint. But that isn't you. It's just human.

Hah, it's funny really. When you really sit down and think about it.

But, I think, at least for this moment...I want to marry you. Definitely not today. Definitely not tomorrow. But maybe in like seven years. But, I'm probably just being a girl. I mean, I'm not attracted to you. You don't light up my world. In fact, I think you're too bold and honest for me. Sometimes, you hurt my feelings...but I can't be mad at you because all you're saying is truth...and that's frustrating. Really frustrating.

But you've got something. Tonight, with all the things you said about love and marriage...well, I love how stable you are. The truth is, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of settling. I'm afraid of falling out of love...I'm afraid of not being wanted anymore. But you...you're constant. You don't sway. You're not emotional. I don't have to worry about you not liking me anymore...sure I know my personality irritates you...I know you get sick of me sometimes and wish I'd just go away. But you love me. And that love isn't impacted by your mood.

With you, I feel safe. I didn't feel that way with him. Yes, he gave me butterflys. He made my heart melt at times. But I never felt safe. That whole year...I lived in fear. It became my home. With him, I didn't know my up from my down. One minute I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him...the next minute I wanted to break up. And that's how it went. I loved him. I hated him.

But you, I love you. Not because you're anything special. You're not extraordinarily handsome. You're short. Too short for me, sorry if you ever read this...that one will probably hurt. But it's the truth...if only you were a little bit taller(...i wish i was a....)
In any case, I know that you have more value than I can even calculate. You are a hidden treasure.

But even with my shallow excuses, I know...that if I ever got past them...if I just let myself love you. That would be the end of it. There would be absolutely no turning back. I would be yours forever. And that's the honest truth.

Scary huh?